The Blessing of the Spirit
by Catgirl the Crazy
Summary: While in the Fade, Hawke and Justice comes to terms with Hawke's relationship with Anders.


Hawke slumped against the wall, panting. Which was rather odd, considering that this was the Fade, so she didn't technically have a body to slump, or a wall to slump against. "Maker's breath, Fenris certainly packs a punch, even here."

Anders— no not Anders, _Justice_ —stood over her, looking inhumanly impassive. "Indeed," he intoned. "It is unfortunate that he fell to temptation. I had hoped for better from him and the law woman."

"Well, we can't all have Fade spirit bodyguards to keep us on the straight and narrow." She tried to grin, but couldn't quite manage it. It was too strange, talking to him like this. He had Anders' face and Anders' body, but not the voice, not the expression, not the mannerisms. None of the things that made him the Anders she knew and loved. The way he stuck out his tongue when deep in thought, the look of anguish as he thought about the plight of mages, the way (these days) he lit up when he caught her eye. All of that replaced by the expressionless impassivity of Justice.

Justice regarded her with an unreadable look. "Are you injured? Why do we tarry?"

Hawke closed her eyes, only partly out of tiredness. It was easier, just hearing his voice. The voice was entirely Justice's, with no trace of Anders in it at all. She could pretend it was a different person talking to her then, not her lover possessed by an angry Fade spirit. "I'm not injured. Just tired and depleted. Give me a few minutes to get my mana back."

"Very well then. But do not linger too long. There are many demons about."

"I noticed." They sat there in silence, Hawke focusing on the sound of her own breathing. Another odd thing, given that she didn't really have lungs here, and therefore no actual need to breathe at all. But the Fade operated on belief, and the belief that breathing was necessary for life was ground deep into her bones. If she did get in the habit of not breathing here, she might bring that habit back with her to the mortal realm. That would be… bad.

"May I ask you a question?" Justice said suddenly.

"Of course." Hawke kept her eyes closed. She wondered what a spirit could possibly have to ask her.

"What are your intentions regarding Anders?"

Hawke blinked her eyes open. She hadn't known what kind of question to expect, but that certainly hadn't been it. "My… intentions?" It sounded absurdly like the kind of thing a nobleman might demand of his daughter's suitor in a bad stage melodrama.

"With regards to your romantic relationship."

Hawke rubbed her eyes, trying to think of a way to answer that. "I thought I made my intentions clear."

"Perhaps to Anders, you have. I am still uncertain."

A part of her wanted to get up, go find Feynriel, and never speak of this again. But Justice was a part of Anders, and he did not approve of her. If she could make life easier for her lover by earning Justice's good opinion, then she owed it to him to try.

"I love him," Hawke said simply. The words felt too small for such a grand feeling, but she didn't have better ones. "I told him I want to be with him until the day we die, and I bloody well meant it."

"I see. And our cause. What if that came between you?"

"You mean mage freedom? Have you forgotten that I'm a mage too? And my father and sister? It's as much my cause as yours."

"Would you lay down your life for it?"

"Of course." There was absolutely no hesitation in her voice. It could never really be a question for her.

"I see." He didn't say anything more after that. It seemed Hawke had answered his questions.

Eventually, Hawke spoke. "Can I ask you a question, Justice?"

"You may."

"Why do you disapprove of me?" She steeled herself for the response. Justice would likely have little interest in softening his words to spare her feelings.

Justice looked… surprised? "I do not disapprove of you. You have proven yourself a righteous and honourable woman, and it is a privilege to fight at your side."

Hawke stared. That had absolutely not been the answer she'd expected. It was flattering, to be sure: that a literal embodiment of Justice thought _she_ was righteous and honourable was really saying something. But it still confused her. "I don't understand. Anders told me you didn't approve of me."

"Then you misunderstood him. It is not you I disapprove of, it is his obsession with you."

"His… obsession?"

"It has been maddening. These past three years, time and energy that he could devote to the cause of mages, he has instead spent mooning over you."

"Mooning?"

"Mooning. Pining. Fantasizing. And taking care of the bodily needs that arise as a result."

Hawke felt her face heat up. "Alright, alright, you don't need to explain further." Justice describing Anders' erotic fantasies about her in coldly clinical detail was _not_ a thing she needed to hear.

"I am beginning to… reevaluate my opinion, however."

Hawke sat up and looked straight at Justice for the first time that conversation. Justice was looking at the ground, his brow slightly wrinkled. It was the most emotion she'd ever seen on that face that wasn't righteous fury. "Really? What made you change your mind?"

"Has Anders ever told you about Kristoff?"

Hawke frowned. "The name rings a bell."

"Before I joined with Anders, I inhabited the body of a dead man, a Grey Warden named Kristoff. The soul leaves its imprint on the body, so I knew his memories even though he was dead. Kristoff had a wife, a woman named Aura, whom he loved very much. While in his body, I felt that love almost as if it were my own. A sentiment as beautiful as that cannot be an evil.

"I thought that Anders' feelings for you were merely a desire of the body, and that your interest was of an unserious nature. But these past weeks, since you and Anders have joined, feel like that memory of Kristoff and Aura. Anders is… content in a way that he was not before. He has fewer nightmares, he sleeps better, he eats better. It has made him more effective. It has made him happier, and for that I am glad."

Hawke couldn't speak. Anders was _happy_ , because of her. On one level, she had known that. Anders certainly took every opportunity to tell her as much. But it was another thing entirely to hear it from a being who knew Anders' mind more intimately than anyone, and who was constitutionally incapable of lying about it, even to make her feel better. "Thank you, Justice," she managed eventually.

"Do not thank me. I fear I caused both of you a great deal of unnecessary heartache by discouraging Anders from acting on his feelings for so long. I ought to have trusted his judgement in these matters. For my error, I apologize."

"Still," Hawke said. "I appreciate you telling me this."

"Then you are welcome."

They sat in companionable silence for a time. Hawke turned Justice's words over in her mind. "I have to say, this is the most pleasant conversation I've ever had with you."

"How so?"

"Well, normally when you come out, you're all 'Rar, must kill Templars, rar!' Not exactly conducive to extended conversation."

"I only emerge when there is particular Injustice to confront. There is little reason for me to be in control under normal circumstances."

"Yes, but look at how helpful this conversation has been. Perhaps we should have more like it. If the three of us are spending our lives together, we really ought to get to know each other better. And it might help you coexist with Anders better, if you had someone else to talk to. Is there a way to talk to you, outside the Fade? Assuming Anders is alright with it."

Justice frowned. Another emotion. That had to be a record. "I do not know. We will have to research the matter."

"That's all I can ask for." Hawke got to her feet. "Alright, I'm feeling rested now. Let's go look for Feynriel."


End file.
